If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
