Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
