Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
