My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
