Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
