He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
