Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
