my mouth tastes like poor choices
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
