sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
