the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize