I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
