i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
