I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
