i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
