Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
