If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
is wine microwaveable?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize