Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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