I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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