Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize