My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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