shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize