your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
