you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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