For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize