I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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