Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize