I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
