I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I love you. Go after that dick
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
