So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
