I just saw a hot homeless man
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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