my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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