I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
