the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
