Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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