? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
there is glitter all over my balls
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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