I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
