You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
