Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
