I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
