my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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