hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
