All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
