I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
