I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize