I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
