how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
