so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
