tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
