I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
