Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
