that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i now understand why vodka
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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