How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
