my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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