Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize