New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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