You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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