We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
