so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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