You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize