Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
