The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
did i just pee glitter
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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