My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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