Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize