Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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