So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
