hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
