i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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