today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
