omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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