Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
