Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
