Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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