and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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