If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
