New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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