Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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