hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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