apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
