Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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