There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
