Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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