Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
