He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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