Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize