Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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