kristin has been a bad kristin
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he quoted the bible to break up with me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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