why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
