I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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