One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
