Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
