As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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