Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
